Our university sponsored our attendance at a Saturday morning International Kite Flying event in Beijing on Saturday, May 4, 2019.
Only problem? Not much wind . . but our moods were certainly soaring! We learned something about flying a kite with very little wind: it’s all about HOPE. Every time you lift that kite into the air, start to run, and let out the string, you are filled with hope that THIS time will be the magical moment when the kite takes off. We got to learn from a master kite-maker and make our own kites while watching teams of kite enthusiasts attempting to get giant kites aloft.
Ruth Ann and Mike Martin brought their daughter Stacy, her husband Joseph, and their two little kids. They were a hit with the media.
A group of us sat around one day and said, “Hey, where does China’s great wall end, anyway?” Next thing you know, we found the end–where the great wall hits the ocean. Check out these pics:
Our trip included fun in the sun and sand at the beach, waiting in a visitor’s waiting room to cool off after our long trek, colorful kites, antique doors, the Goddess of the Sea, various historical figures, and even a very tall city wall connecting to the Great Wall.
The Motley Crew outside our university excited to get on the bus and head out to see where the Great Wall ends. (L to R): Kevin, Joseph, Eli (child), Mike, Stacey, Ruth Ann, Laraine, Ryan, Harris, Sai, “Zhurki”, Luke (child), Chris, Chuck
Remembering that first class day in September when a new crop of leadership students at China Foreign Affairs University (CFAU) looked up at me expectantly, I could almost see the questions forming behind those beautiful brown eyes.
“Who is this American, and what will we be doing in this ‘leadership’
class?” “Does he really think we need to learn about leadership—something so
far into our future?”
On that first day, I looked into their skeptical eyes and got
no response when I said, “Raise your hand if you think of yourself as a leader.”
Polling the class, I verified what I had already discovered about most students
in China: they think of leadership only in terms of positional power.
I then did something unexpected: I showed four short video
clips of orchestra conductors leading their orchestras. Each had a unique
style. One kept a steady metronome-like beat, showing no emotion on his face.
Another closed his eyes while swaying and waving his arms in oversized motions.
A third conductor did an exuberant little dance while gesturing with his arms.
The fourth was the most unusual. He did nothing with his body and, strangely,
kept his arms folded while simply raising his eyebrows occasionally and pursing
his lips. This brought some nervous laughter from the class.
As the music went silent, I looked around the room at puzzled
expressions. Breaking the silence, I said, “The true essence of leadership is simply
manifesting your most important values. Can you tell what the first conductor valued?”
Getting no response, I continued, “The first conductor
valued a regular, steady rhythm.” I then imitated this maestro’s robot-like
“What about the second conductor?” Again, no response. I closed
my eyes and made big motions with my arms. “Can you tell this conductor really
valued the emotions of his music?”
“What about the third conductor?” I asked. Finally, a timid
student piped up, “He likes to dance.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “He seems to value physical movement and
expression.” Several students nodded in agreement.
“How about the fourth conductor?” This brought snickers as
the students remembered the conductor who seemed to do nothing. “Can you tell
what he values?” All heads went down to their desks.
“It might be hard to recognize, but can you see that this
conductor valued the musicians’ individual and collective expression and
interpretation of the music—even without his involvement? He wants them to come
forth with their own expressions. But it doesn’t make him any less a leader,
As the school year progressed, students became less
skeptical, more engaged and more determined to be “values-expressing” leaders. They
joined me in exploring leadership through discussion and memorable activities.
We went through John C. Maxwell’s 5
Levels of Leadership, examining case studies, working in teams to make
critical decisions in simulated conditions, and even analyzing Deputy Barney
Fife’s humorous behavior as a “Level 1” leader in the old American sit-com, The
Andy Griffith Show. We worked through concepts in Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
(Kerry Patterson et al.) by creating simulated conflicts and allowing students
to practice newly learned techniques to resolve those conflicts. We used unusual,
right-hand/left-hand writing and drawing methods developed by Dr. Lucia
Cappachione (The Power of Your Other Hand,
etc.) to become more self-aware in order to more effectively lead others.
Students kept a leadership journal, starting with a list of
their most important values. As the year continued, some were able to share
from their journal and examine how well they had expressed those important
values with others in their class, in their teams, in their community and at
Finally, at the end of the year, we examined Fortune Magazine’s
list of the 50 top world leaders. Choosing the top twelve who happened to be leaders
in government, business, activism and philanthropy, we discussed what they all
had in common. Because the list included male and female, old and young (even a
16-year- old), rich and poor, employers and employees, etc., the common element
was obvious. Each leader had been successful in identifying a value within themselves
and moving heaven and earth to express and manifest that value. Students’
understanding of leadership and their roles in it had taken a huge jump forward
from the first day of class.
China Foreign Affairs University is the “cradle of diplomacy” for China. All Chinese diplomats must receive training at CFAU, and a large percentage of China’s diplomats have also received undergraduate or graduate degrees at CFAU. It feels good to know this powerful nation’s future is in the hands of those who have a better understanding and passion for leadership.
What might the world reap from the seeds sown in my “leadership crop” this year?
A beautiful sculpture park is found just 45 minutes away from our apartment (by bicycle). We’ve been there a couple of times. The sculptures are amazing–from various parts of the world. Here are just a few:
Our university invited us to attend a conference in a “small” town of just 1.2 million people. We accepted the invitation and soon found that we were the guests of honor (token Americans) at a huge “friendship walk” in central China. In XinYang, we were “wined and dined,” put up in a 5-star hotel, and treated like royalty.
At the Opening Ceremonies, we were escorted into a stadium filled with thousands of cheering people. I was given a red jacket with a Chinese flag over my heart, and put on stage with about 11 other foreigners. They introduced me as a distinguished teacher from America while thousands of people cheered, a half-dozen drones flew around our heads, taking pictures, and television cameras recorded everything.
When it came time to leave on the 13 Km walk, we were mobbed by people wanting our picture. Even as we walked away and came to a small village, I stopped to stretch and young boys pulled out their phones to get pictures. My memory is bending over at the waist to stretch my hamstring while a young boy laid on the ground, peering up at my sagging red face with his camera a few inches from my nose. I don’t even want to see that picture. — Chuck Chamberlain
Key to pictures below: 1) Pic with host at dinner 2) Another host at dinner 3) host with Lynne, our school liaison 4) on our walk, these men stared very intently at us, and it seemed they had never seen an American in person. We asked to take their picture 5) workers harvesting tea leaves -so beautiful 6) more greenery on our walk 7) Card playing in hotel lobby, two girls from Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan joined us 8) Fellow teacher, Cory, is very tall and a magnet for picture taking 9) little guy and his mom very curious about us 10) trying to stretch, missed the best picture of the boy on the ground getting my face as I bent over 11) forming C-F-A-U with our fingers 12) Introduced as a high muckety muck 13) fellow big shots on stage 14) One of the many drones getting our picture 15) With fellow big shots 16)Chuck, Laraine, Lynn, Cory, and a local helper 17) in our hotel lobby
There is an assumption in society that it’s best to avoid triggers. After all, they can lead to destruction at worst, or extreme discomfort at best. But there are good reasons why triggers, despite their discomfort, can be opportunities in disguise. When a prior traumatic experience is triggered, there is a window of opportunity to deal with it effectively. Often, until triggered, those traumatic and incompletely processed experiences remain so far “backstage” it isn’t possible to effectively process them. With the right tools, a trigger opportunity can bring about a lasting change in a person’s life. Sometimes, the right “tool” is a mental health professional, especially if the triggered experience is deemed to be overwhelming or induces an inclination to do harm to self or others. Often, triggers can be processed on your own, and there are tools available to help.
I will share a private, powerful aspect of my life: I was sexually abused and bullied as a child and sexually assaulted as an adult. Perhaps the worst and most pervasive feeling during these incidents was the feeling of being unable to control the situation. Consequently, as an adult, I have often been triggered by anything that even approximates control. For example, I have seldom been able to comfortably allow someone else to drive a car in which I was a passenger. In fact, I’ve even found flying in a commercial aircraft uncomfortable, not because I feared crashing, but because I was not the pilot! I’ve also found myself triggered when my wife would do anything that even smelled like control. She’s often described these experiences as, “walking on eggshells.” Obviously, this is not a condition that is good for relationships.
Living and working in China, where there is so much control held by government officials in every aspect of life, I have experienced triggers due to this issue of control. With so many trigger opportunities, I’ve been able to use CJEA (Creative Journal Expressive Arts) techniques to gain a better understanding and control of my own emotions during these triggering incidents.
CJEA is a brain-science-based
method of creative expression developed by Dr.Lucia Capacchione in the 1970’s when
she experienced some difficult health issues. It is currently the method of
choice for a growing community of certified practitioners working with
organizations within the military, schools, corrections departments, courts,
public safety departments, corporations, and with individuals, couples and
families. CJEA utilizes the power and unique characteristics of both sides of
the brain. This is done by expressing one’s self through movement, drawing,
sketching or sculpting combined with writing using both the dominant and
One day recently, after experiencing a “control issue” trigger that unleashed emotional and physical symptoms (irritability and sudden intestinal cramping), I seized the opportunity to explore more about my control issues using some simple CJEA techniques. Fortunately, I had my Beijing apartment to myself that day. I placed a blank piece of paper on the table and used my dominant hand (right hand, in my case) to write questions to myself, based on the CJEA training I had received. Then, with various colored pencils, I used my left hand to scribble the answers using either text or drawing.
By doing this, I was
able to tap into parts of my brain that seemed resistant to connect to my
brain’s speech centers, and therefore were not often utilized when trying to
talk over my concerns with my wife or anyone else. These parts of me had held
onto emotional content that had not been expressed since I was a child.
Metaphorically speaking, this abused child within me had been wandering around just
off-stage, making trouble. Now I was giving “him” unprecedented access to say
what was on his mind. And he did! He expressed terrible feelings and wanted
assurances from me (the adult me) that I would be more conscious of him and his
concerns. I offered some heartfelt promises, and immediately felt more
If this communication
with myself sounds bizarre to you, I assure you that you too have various parts
of you. Each part has its own energy level and each part experiences life a
little differently. During my extensive training with Dr. Capacchione, one of
the most intriguing revelations to me was that we all have specific parts
within us, doing specific functions. It isn’t mysterious; it’s simply the way
we were all built.
It wasn’t necessary, at least during this episode, to re-hash and remember all the abuse. If I had noticed the discussion going in that direction, I might have waited for my wife to be present, or at least in another room. No, I simply needed to communicate and negotiate with a childlike part of me about the feelings of being controlled.
From this experience and many like it, I have learned that I am an excellent therapeutic guide for my own mental health. I do not have a pathology and therefore do not need the help of a certified mental health professional. If that should ever become necessary, I wouldn’t hesitate to make use of that additional resource.
There is no reason to
live a life full of misery and frustration. When the “Broadway play” that is
life seems to be more chaotic than it should be, there is hope.
Chuck and Laraine Chamberlain have been trained and certified in CJEA techniques. For more information about CJEA, click here. For information about Dr. Lucia Capacchione’s books, click here.
Laraine received a great deal of positive feedback from women who attended the Asia Women’s Conference in March in Hong Kong. She spoke about Forgiveness: the Pain, the Paralysis, and the Process.
One part of the presentation dealt with the idea that each of us has multiple, distinct, yet interrelated areas in which we can develop self-reliance including: Physical, financial, educational, social, spiritual and emotional. Because we do not have the necessary tools, we tend to deal with emotional issues as only a byproduct of strength in another area. For instance, we tend to believe that to strengthen ourselves emotionally, we must pursue spiritual strengths. We read scripture, attend church, and pray in order to help ourselves emotionally.
While it is true there are strong “spillover” benefits of a spiritual life, it is not true that we can rely solely on those benefits for emotional strength. For some reason it is obvious that attending church does not strengthen physical muscles, nor does it take the place of good nutrition. Likewise, it is obvious that going to the gym every day does not supplant religious observance. But when it comes to building emotional strength, we hear advice such as, “Just get out and do more social things.” Or we hear, “Pray more, and read more scriptures.”
There is good reason for this kind of advice–the world is largely unaware of specific exercises to boost emotional health. Laraine and Chuck have been certified in an approach called “CJEA” or Creative Journal Expressive Arts. Among other things, CJEA is a brain-science based method of enhancing emotional awareness and strength.
When confronted with the very spiritual need to forgive someone, it is helpful to understand that forgiveness is both a spiritual AND an emotional need. Consequently, there are specific emotional exercises that can be used to help someone going through a forgiveness process. In her presentation, Laraine recalled a fairly recent experience in which missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints asked her to join with them in a discussion with someone who was considering baptism. As the discussion progressed, the woman seemed to hit an emotional roadblock and could not consider baptism until she had forgiven her husband. Laraine guided the woman through some emotional exercises that left her sobbing, but noticeably relieved and ready to continue her spiritual life.
When we have the right tools, we are free to go where we’ve never been before. But, as Laraine pointed out, the tools are so simple–almost too simple–and because of the “simpleness of the way,” many people don’t bother to do them, even when they know about them. By using simple spiritual and emotional tools, we can more easily forgive and continue a healthier path in life.
Laraine presented at the Asia Women’s Conference in Hong Kong. Because Chuck is absolutely nuts about Hong Kong, he could not be left behind. Between sessions of the conference, Chuck and Laraine renewed friendships. It was a truly relaxing and enjoyable trip. Unfortunately, due to some technical issues, not all of their visits were captured in pictures.
March 27, 2019–Today it was announced that former All-Pro Dallas Cowboys wide receiver, Michael Irvin, was in the hospital over the weekend, undergoing tests for throat cancer. His results are not yet in, but what he posted on Instagram is a raw, honest appraisal of his emotional state. Because so many of us believe certain emotions are “off limits” to us (anger, fear, disgust, sadness, etc.), it is refreshing to note the experience of a man whose core values include controlling fear.
His own Instagram post paints a frightening picture:
Michaelirvin88Spent Sun & Mon in LA at UCLA medical Health (Ronald Reagan Hospital) doing health test. I would not usually do this but this I need to share. Growing up in the ghetto of Ft Lauderdale the one thing you have to conquer to get out is FEAR. I did! As a football player the no fear gift served me well as a blessing and an asset on the field but sometimes off the field it’s been a curse and a liability. This past football season after the @dallascowboys beat the @Saints I was so elated and hyped I lost my voice and the problem persisted for almost 2months. After visiting some of the best throat Doctors they thought it to be wise to take a deeper look at the situation. So we schedule and performed a throat biopsy. To give background I share with you that I lost my father at the young age of 51. He had throat cancer. This daemon has chased and vexed me deep in my spirit all my life. So saying I am afraid this time is a big big understatement. I AM TERRIFIED! My Faith tells me whenever you face great fear you go to your greatness power. Mine is God. I am asking all who will. Could you please send up a prayer to help my family and I deal with whatever the results may be? Thanks for your thoughts and prayers in advance. I will continue to pray for your fam’s protection and prosperity as well. May God Bless us all.
When we deny or minimize our true feelings, we often create an undercurrent of emotions that seeks expression in harmful behaviors and illnesses. When we express those feelings in appropriate ways, even in a personal journal or, in this case, Instagram post, we can deal directly with the difficult emotion. In addition, we are more likely to have the support of loving friends and family when we need it.
So often, we hear disturbing news of NFL players who have allowed their emotions to get out of control, resulting in domestic violence or even unnecessary violence on the field. My hat is off to Michael Irvin. In this situation, he was in touch with himself enough to recognize extreme fear, and honest enough to express it to family, friends, and even the general public. Whatever you may think of Michael Irvin, his political views, reputation, or past behavior, at least in this situation he has shown a remarkable strength of character. May God bless you and your family, Mr. Irvin, as you face this difficult time.