Archive October 2019

Emotional Icebergs and Leaky Roofs

by Charles J. Chamberlain, co-founder Chamberlain Leadership Group LLC

We have worked with many clients over the past 10-11 years who have used our tools to overcome emotional issues, or to simply develop better emotional control and awareness in leadership roles. But as people gain more emotional literacy and increased ability to manage their emotions, the same two frustrating phenomena show up time and time again. Perhaps there are better words to describe these phenomena, but two metaphors do a great job in helping us visualize them.

Emotional icebergs

Due to its buoyancy in denser sea water, an iceberg floats with approximately 10% of its mass showing above the water and 90% submerged. When we embark on a plan to understand behaviors and underlying emotions, we see a similar pattern in ourselves and others. Only 10% of our emotional “mass” is visible as conscious behaviors, vocalizations, and consciously controlled non-verbal expressions.

The remaining 90% of our emotional world is “submerged” beneath our consciousness. But just because an emotion is below the surface doesn’t mean it has no impact on us. To the contrary, because it is submerged, it has even more power over us, especially if we continue to be consciously unaware of it. This 90% carries significant weight as we form and maintain our identities, create relationship habits, develop meaningful motivations, and navigate the challenges of our lives.

The extent of our enjoyment of life and relationships is largely determined by how well we understand and manage the entirety of our emotional iceberg. Whether or not we are at ease in our lives or at “disease” can be a function of how well we are managing the submerged portion of our emotional existence. Submerged emotions can interact with our physical bodies in unexpected and unwanted ways. They can come “out of nowhere” and affect our verbal and non-verbal communication. They can cause illness. They can also cause us to do things that don’t make sense to our rational minds. Have you ever said, “I don’t know why I said that?” Or, “I don’t know why I did that?” Our submerged emotions can be particularly sensitive to triggering stimuli, thrusting us into “mysterious” episodes of despair or confusion, leaving us wondering, “Why am I suddenly so upset, worried, or depressed?”

You could think of the self-directed tools we offer as scuba diving gear, allowing us to dive beneath the surface and explore the submerged 90%. And, like a scuba diver’s equipment, the emotional tools allow us to go as deep as we are comfortable going. No one is there to pressure us to go beyond our comfort level. If we want to stay just a few feet beneath the surface, we can do that. If we want to dive deeper, we can do that too. The tools allow us to gain an appreciation for the extent of our emotions, while at the same time working on specific areas of concern.

Emotional Leaky Roofs

Once we have discovered some tools to work on specific emotional areas, we often face another phenomenon we’ll call the “leaky roof” phenomenon. Anyone who has experienced a leak in the roof can relate to this dilemma: After a hard rain, you notice water coming through a small hole in the corner of your dining room. At first, you place a bucket under the hole to collect the water, then when the storm has subsided, you look for the source of the problem. It is unlikely, however, that the hole in the roof is directly above the hole in the ceiling. Water has a tendency to enter from one hole, travel many feet away along trusses and structures in the attic, and create another hole as it follows gravity. An inexperienced homeowner might patch the drywall in their ceiling, thinking they’ve fixed the problem. A later storm comes along and it becomes clear that the source of the problem is not where it appeared to be.

Likewise, in our work with people who come to us having identified a specific issue, more often than not, “the issue” is not the real issue. For instance, we’ve worked with people who have taken our anger management classes in lieu of jail time. It is tempting to say, “I have a problem with anger,” especially when a judge has confirmed that indeed you do have a problem with anger. But in our anger management approach, we recognize the fact that you probably do NOT have a problem with anger, but you most likely have a problem with fear, guilt, confusion, or an array of other possible emotions.

This “leaky roof” dilemma appears everywhere. A man who can’t control his spending is really struggling with depression. A woman who puts on too much weight is really protecting herself from pain. A combative, rebellious teenager is really overcome with grief. The examples are endless.

Using the tools we provide, a person can quickly test the emotional strength of a particular issue and decide if it is simply in the path of gravity, like water flowing to its lowest point, or if the issue itself is the source of the problem.

A clear understanding of both the extent and complexity of who we are emotionally can help us be happier, more productive people.

For more information about the tools offered by Chamberlain Leadership Group LLC, contact us by clicking here.   

China’s 70th Anniversary: A Dinner for Foreign Experts

Before getting on the bus, we paused for a picture outside of our university’s main building. Shown above are our fellow CFAU “foreign teachers” and Lynn, our Chinese university liaison (third from right)
Special Invitation to attend the Foreign Expert’s Dinner. Once at the hall, each invitation was scanned and our pictures were displayed to ensure we were the person’s using the invitations.

Along with some of our university colleagues, we were invited by our university to attend a special dinner for foreign experts who are living and working in China. We arrived in buses and, for our benefit, the entire highway was shut down on the way to the dinner, which was held at The Great Hall of the People adjacent to Tiananmen Square. Some 2,000 foreign experts were in attendance and treated to an amazing dinner and speech from Vice Premier Han Zheng. He praised foreign experts for assisting the country of China in reaching its current strength and status on the 70th anniversary of the Communist Party in China.

Standing on Tiananmen Square, waiting to enter The Great Hall of the People behind us.

At our table was a couple from the Ukraine, a woman from Mexico City, a man from the UK, a man from Russia, another American man, and two Chinese hosts. We had a delightful time getting to know them. Unfortunately, cameras and cell phones were not allowed in the hall. We did get pictures of our group at the university and outside the hall.

Incidentally, after the dinner the entire crowd exited the doors to the front of the hall, while I (Chuck) slipped into a restroom at the rear of the hall, behind some heavy curtains. I was there for just a few moments when an entourage of young men in business suits wearing ear buds entered the restroom with the Vice Premier himself. I was surprised and could only think to say, “Hi” to him. Afterwards I exited, holding open the curtain for him as we walked out together. I remember thinking, “Why are these security men allowing me to be so close to the Vice Premier.” Then I remembered the worried looks on their faces. Obviously, this bathroom break was unplanned and worrisome to those whose job it was to keep him safe. I caught them off-guard.

Leadership Development Sessions with Important Gov’t Agency

Under Chamberlain Leadership Group LLC, we held two leadership development sessions at the China Banking and Insurance Regulatory Commission.

Session I dealt with self-awareness and the importance of understanding yourself before leading others. In this session, we did some exercises that allowed participants to understand some things about themselves that they had not considered.

Comments from participants after Session I included, “This is great! We’ve never done anything like this before!”

Session II was focused on re-defining leadership to include those activities that are so small they would not be deemed “world-changing.” If leadership is influence (according to John C. Maxwell), then anything we do to influence someone comes under the banner of leadership. This could include something as simple as complimenting someone or smiling at someone. Also, when we simply manifest our internal values, we are being leaders. We looked at four short video clips of orchestra conductors, each with their unique leading style. We then discussed the participants’ top three values and had them put those values into “I Am” statements. It was a powerful experience.

We look forward to further leadership development sessions with this organization as well as with several other corporations outside of the university. It feels very satisfying to take the leadership development curriculum we have developed for our university students and expand it into the non-academic world.

Recording Gigs

As native English speakers associated with a university, we were asked to record English dialogue (so far about eight hours’ worth). Apparently, the recordings will be used to test candidates who want to work for BMW to make sure their English is “up to snuff.” We had fun doing the recordings, and may do more . . if asked. It is difficult to cold-read a script, especially when the vocabulary gets into scientific terms. However, we did not have to do too much re-recording, as we soon became familiar with the process.

Dear Friends from Hong Kong

For a very short time, our friends Diana and Albert from Tai O Village in Hong Kong came to visit us in Beijing. When you bond with people born on the other side of the world, whose culture of origin is quite different from your own, you recognize the fact that we are all truly brothers and sisters.

Diana and Albert join us at Beijing’s ancient “summer palace”