As many of you know, we have been working on our book about resilience for more than three years. Since the first of the year, we’ve been living out of a suitcase because we have not been allowed to go home to Beijing and have no other home.
It has been quite a journey for us since February 2nd when we arrived on U.S. soil. This whole experience has allowed us an opportunity to test the principles in our book. We have also been the recipients of miraculous blessings as we’ve found beautiful and fitting accommodations to work on an online course entitled: “Build Resilience in a Turbulent World.” The first modules of this course should be available within the next few weeks.
Now, however, we are more than pleased to announce pre-sales of our book on Amazon.com until May 5th when the book will be delivered. It could come at no better time than this.
The coming online courses take a different approach and walk you step-by-step through some healing and strengthening exercises focused on mental health.
Whether our audience decides to read about effective resilience principles or do mental health exercises for resilience, we are excited to finally get these things out to the world. It has been difficult for us to see so much frustration, anxiety, and depression around us while we are literally sitting on some effective answers as we prepare to launch. We’ve been working so hard in the last couple of months that one day we’ll remember our quarantine period as the time we didn’t slow down.
Foreign guests are invited each year to join a fall walk at the beautiful summer palace in Beijing. Everyone was given identifying stickers, a bright yellow backpack, and a jacket to wear, and encouraged to mingle with hundreds of foreigners and Chinese hosts as they make their way around the palace grounds via a marked path.
Our university invited us again this year (our third year) to join the group. We had another commitment in the afternoon, but thought we would attend just the opening ceremony of the walk before quietly and unobtrusively leaving.
To our surprise, however, before the walk started we were honored on stage with big colorful “longevity” banners as the announcer said, “Charles and Laraine Chamberlain, American experts, are recognized for being the most outstanding walkers.” Apparently, we were the only ones who’d attended the event for three years straight.
After this honor, we felt so guilty about walking away, we stayed for at least some of the walk, then skulked away from the marked path and plethora of organizers by ripping off our stickers and hiding our bright banners as much as we could. Our hearts were beating fast as we sneaked away. “Outstanding walkers” indeed!
China does an outstanding job of opening up opportunities for dialogue with foreigners. It is obvious that a great deal of focus, energy, and money is spent on presenting a friendly face to the world. For instance, when an important global trade or government meeting is to be held in China, it is very common for the meeting to be held in one of China’s “tier two” cities. This gives the country an “excuse” and a deadline to renovate and upgrade that city. Travel anywhere in China and you’ll see massive road and landscaping projects in addition to the building boom. It reminds us of families who hold a daughter’s wedding reception in their backyard. It wouldn’t be uncommon to see the family remodel the living room, family room, and back patio in preparation. Now if we could just get more attention to those bathrooms!
by Charles J. Chamberlain, co-founder Chamberlain Leadership Group LLC
We have worked with many clients over the past 10-11 years who have used our tools to overcome emotional issues, or to simply develop better emotional control and awareness in leadership roles. But as people gain more emotional literacy and increased ability to manage their emotions, the same two frustrating phenomena show up time and time again. Perhaps there are better words to describe these phenomena, but two metaphors do a great job in helping us visualize them.
Emotional icebergs
Due to its buoyancy in denser sea water, an iceberg floats
with approximately 10% of its mass showing above the water and 90% submerged. When
we embark on a plan to understand behaviors and underlying emotions, we see a
similar pattern in ourselves and others. Only 10% of our emotional “mass” is
visible as conscious behaviors, vocalizations, and consciously controlled non-verbal
expressions.
The remaining 90% of our emotional world is “submerged” beneath
our consciousness. But just because an emotion is below the surface doesn’t
mean it has no impact on us. To the contrary, because it is submerged, it has
even more power over us, especially if we continue to be consciously unaware of
it. This 90% carries significant weight as we form and maintain our identities,
create relationship habits, develop meaningful motivations, and navigate the
challenges of our lives.
The extent of our enjoyment of life and relationships is
largely determined by how well we understand and manage the entirety of our
emotional iceberg. Whether or not we are at ease in our lives or at “disease”
can be a function of how well we are managing the submerged portion of our
emotional existence. Submerged emotions can interact with our physical bodies
in unexpected and unwanted ways. They can come “out of nowhere” and affect our
verbal and non-verbal communication. They can cause illness. They can also
cause us to do things that don’t make sense to our rational minds. Have you
ever said, “I don’t know why I said that?” Or, “I don’t know why I did that?” Our
submerged emotions can be particularly sensitive to triggering stimuli, thrusting
us into “mysterious” episodes of despair or confusion, leaving us wondering, “Why
am I suddenly so upset, worried, or depressed?”
You could think of the self-directed tools we offer as scuba diving gear, allowing us to dive beneath the surface and explore the submerged 90%. And, like a scuba diver’s equipment, the emotional tools allow us to go as deep as we are comfortable going. No one is there to pressure us to go beyond our comfort level. If we want to stay just a few feet beneath the surface, we can do that. If we want to dive deeper, we can do that too. The tools allow us to gain an appreciation for the extent of our emotions, while at the same time working on specific areas of concern.
Emotional Leaky Roofs
Once we have discovered some tools to work on specific emotional areas, we often face another phenomenon we’ll call the “leaky roof” phenomenon. Anyone who has experienced a leak in the roof can relate to this dilemma: After a hard rain, you notice water coming through a small hole in the corner of your dining room. At first, you place a bucket under the hole to collect the water, then when the storm has subsided, you look for the source of the problem. It is unlikely, however, that the hole in the roof is directly above the hole in the ceiling. Water has a tendency to enter from one hole, travel many feet away along trusses and structures in the attic, and create another hole as it follows gravity. An inexperienced homeowner might patch the drywall in their ceiling, thinking they’ve fixed the problem. A later storm comes along and it becomes clear that the source of the problem is not where it appeared to be.
Likewise, in our work with people who come to us having
identified a specific issue, more often than not, “the issue” is not the real
issue. For instance, we’ve worked with people who have taken our anger
management classes in lieu of jail time. It is tempting to say, “I have a
problem with anger,” especially when a judge has confirmed that indeed you do
have a problem with anger. But in our anger management approach, we recognize
the fact that you probably do NOT have a problem with anger, but you most likely
have a problem with fear, guilt, confusion, or an array of other possible
emotions.
This “leaky roof” dilemma appears everywhere. A man who can’t
control his spending is really struggling with depression. A woman who puts on
too much weight is really protecting herself from pain. A combative, rebellious
teenager is really overcome with grief. The examples are endless.
Using the tools we provide, a person can quickly test the emotional strength of a particular issue and decide if it is simply in the path of gravity, like water flowing to its lowest point, or if the issue itself is the source of the problem.
A clear understanding of both the extent and complexity of who
we are emotionally can help us be happier, more productive people.
For more information about the tools offered by Chamberlain Leadership Group LLC, contact us by clicking here.
